Dr. Angel Storm - Former Military - How to Survive a Narcissist

"My name is Angel Joy Storm. Yes, that’s my real, given name! (And as it turns out, prophetic in every way.) I have a Ph.D. in Conflict Analysis and Resolution with a concentration in International Peace (2014), an M.A. in International Security (2010) and a B.S. in Human Development (2008). I served in the US Army for six years (2003 – 2009) as a Civil Affairs Specialist. While in the Army, I also attended the Defense Language Institute – Foreign Language Center in Monterey, California where I learned Russian. I was deployed to Iraq from 2007-2008.

After leaving the military, I continued to serve as an adviser to the military as a civilian and served in multiple occupations – a linguist, an intelligence analyst and as a social scientist. I deployed and served with the US Special Forces Command from 2013 – 2014 in Afghanistan. Upon returning to the US, I then served as an adviser and social scientist to the US Central Command located in Tampa, Florida. I spent a total of 13 years in the US Department of Defense. I love cultures and their nuances and I have traveled to dozens of countries to study and advise leaders of all kinds. 

I grew up in an abusive, religious home and wanted nothing to do with the god I saw portrayed to me day after day. In spite of my desperate and deliberate attempts to get away from God, He came and met me in my darkest time. I walked with Jesus and my life was forever changed. 

In 2018 I began life coaching and I love helping people get their lives on track and grow in their purpose! (You can find out more about these services here.)"


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Transcript

Speaker 1:  0:10 
Hello, and welcome back to another episode of her brotherhood. I'm your host, Abby bolt. Today we have an amazing guest. Her name is Angel storm. Yep, that's her real name. And it turns out, she kind of thinks it's a little bit prophetic in a way. She has a Ph.D. in conflict analysis resolution with a concentration in international peace. She has a degree in international security, another one in human development. She served in the US Army for six years as a civil affairs specialist. And while she was there, she even attended the Defense Language Institute. Now, the conversation with her today, kind of, well, it took on a little bit of a turn that I really wasn't expecting, I knew that she was doing a lot of great things to help people. And that's why I wanted to have her on and talk about her military background. But then come to find out her specialty is helping others deal with narcissistic partners. And especially when they're dealing with like, child custody cases. And I was my jaw was dropped. And we had an amazing conversation. And she is so insightful, and she has so much helpful, helpful information. I think you guys are really going to enjoy this episode. And with that, let's go mean Angel.
Okay, so here we are on her brotherhood podcast with Angel storm Angel, thank you so much for being here today, which I've just have to say I love your name, by the way, angels storm is just awesome. So tell me, what are you doing here? What are you up to?

Speaker 2:  1:50 
Yeah, thanks so much for having me on Abby. I actually run an LLC, as well as a nonprofit where I help women who are coming out of narcissistic abusive relationships. First of all, get settled with that relationship. So if they're going through courts, or if they are facing a divorce or custody case with a narcissist, how to wrap that up, appropriately. Second of all, I help them we establish our identity is after coming out of a narcissistic relationship, it's common that people just really don't have a true sense of who they are and what they're here to do. And then thirdly, once all of those two steps are finished, I help them understand how to use this experience that they've gone through in their overall life purpose, because it's such a traumatic thing to go through. It's way too valuable to just be thrown aside or pretend it didn't happen, because there's so many people being affected by this. And we need to have more people who can kind of guide others who are navigating this unfortunate situation. So that's a little bit about what I do.

Speaker 1:  2:53 
Wow, I know that there are a lot more women out there living that reality than we can even possibly imagine. And I want to, I want to, yeah, clearly, it's because you lived it. Like you said, You're an advocate, because who better to be an advocate and teach others and somebody that's lived it. And I want to go deeper into that. But before we do I want because we met up on Instagram, I saw that you were former military, and you totally piqued my interest. And I reached out to you. So I want to go into what you're doing now. But then First, take me back a little bit to your military time. How did you get in? What were you doing? Take me through that?

Speaker 2:  3:29
Yeah. Well, so a funny story. I actually used to move around a lot as a child, and we moved to China. My dad's an English teacher, right? We moved to China on September 7 2001. I was 15 years old. And you know, obviously, a few days later 911 happened. And my grandma and one of the care packages that she sent us. There was a time magazine. And I still remember the cover. I mean, I can see it like I'm holding it right now. And it was about it was called an army of compassion. And it was all about civil affairs in the military. And I had no idea that there was even such a thing. And fast forward a couple of years, I'm back in the US, I'm ready to go to college. And I'm like, No, I that's boring. And I've lived such an amazing, incredible adventurous life. I can't imagine that I'm going to go live in a dorm somewhere and just like go to school. And so I remembered that article. And this was just a couple months after we had already invaded Iraq. And I was like, you know, I want to join the military. And I, you know, convinced my parents over a period of months to find the paperwork for me to go in at 17. So that's kind of how I joined the army. And, and it was just,

Speaker 1:  4:44
what were they taught? Well, I mean, came home. Did you take like, take the ASVAB? Did you talk to a recruiter when he came home? My mom and dad, I want to go to the military. What were they What did they say?

Speaker 2:  4:52 
Yeah, my parents had actually gone out of town for the weekend. And I was like, I'm just going to be about myself into the recruiters office.

Speaker 1:  5:00
Kids have parties, some kids go drinking. And so it goes to the recruiter?

Speaker 2: 5:05
 I sure did. I came home with like all the material to like, look at all of this awesome army stuff that I'm coming home with. And my parents were like, what the heck, because they hadn't heard me talking about military stuff or anything, you know, and I'm like, find the papers so that I can enlist your Well, they were like, do you know that? There's two words? Yeah. And so yeah, I mean, it's, like I said, it took several months, because they were like, You're, you're only 17, we don't know that you really want to join for six years? Because that was my initial Listen, it was six years. And I was like, No, I feel like that's a good enough period of time. And that if I don't like it, and I get out of the army, even after six years, like I'm young enough where I can still, if I don't, you know, finish college or whatever, in that period of time, I would be young enough to still go to school and get a different career and whatever you are wise. They relented, and they signed the papers. And I actually ended up working for the government for another seven years after that as an advisor. And I mean, I went to college, I did all the things my parents were ever hoping me to do. So that's great. Kind of one on that.

Speaker 1:  6:14 
That's great. Now, what did you see you enlisted? What did you do in the military, civil affairs, which is a branch that
really went and did what you read the Time magazine article about,

Speaker 2:  6:26
The only reason I joined, they tried to get me to when I did the as Bab. I chose to be LPP, which is a language test. And they wanted me to join to do Intel because of my scores. But I only wanted to join to be civil affairs. That was what I wanted to do. And I actually did end up going to the Defense Language Institute in Monterey, and I learned Russian out there. So I did still get other skills that were useful for me, once I got out of the army. And actually, I tailored all of my other education even after I got out to fit this very specific role that I wanted to fill. And I mean, I did exactly that. So even after I got out, I ended up getting my master's I got my PhD in in international peace, and conflict Analysis and Resolution, and I help the military understand the effects that the native population can have on their military operations.

Speaker 1:  7:33
And how a narcissist got ahold of you. It's like, totally marked up the wrong tree.

Speaker 2: 7:28
I mean, know what's funny. Yeah. So that's actually like, what I think a common myth or misunderstanding is, is that narcissists will prey on weak people, or that they will look for people who don't have a strong support system or a strong like infrastructure in their life of some kind. That's actually the opposite. narcissists are so consumed with appearances, that they look for people who will elevate them in social status, they will look for people specifically who can add value to their life in terms of finances, or in terms of moral standards and things like this. And so they actually prey on people who are bidding those like, I don't know, higher level qualifications. So this is also perpetuates the reason why people don't have mountain say, like, I was duped by a narcissist, like no doctor wants to come forward and say that, you know, and I understand that personally.

Speaker 1:  8:28 
Wow, that makes a ton of sense. Unfortunately. That's crazy. So let's go back to that. I'm sorry. Which which? division military? Do you say you were in? which branch? The army. Okay, that's right, that, so you go and you go through, you know, all your basic stuff. And then where did you end up being based at this whole time,

Speaker 2:  8:48 
I actually did a whole bunch of different like rotations. So I when I first joined, like, within six months of finishing basic and IIT, I went out to the Defense Language Institute. So I was out there for a year to learn Russian. Right after that. I deployed to Iraq for 14 months. Right after that. I did a couple of stints in Germany for like six weeks, each time, I did a bunch of other schools that I wanted to do, like advanced combat lifesaver, and just, you know, other things that they had going on, they had something called peel DC, which is like the school that you need to go to in order to become a sergeant. So I did that. And so I was kind of like, moving all around. Because, for me again, I had a vision for what I was there to do. And by the time I was getting out of Iraq, I knew I wasn't going to reenlist. I loved the army and I still love all the things military, but it was honestly just too much paperwork. There was too much nonsense that didn't have anything to do with government. And I'm here to do army things. You know, I don't want to do you know, I want to write my social on every piece of paper 20 million times. So for me I just felt like and by that time also, I had finished my first bachelor's degree. And so again, it was just kind of like, I knew that for what I wanted to do in the military, I really had done everything that I came there to do. And now it was time for me to evolve into a higher level of who I was called to be, and serve the military in a higher position, even though it wasn't in uniform. I was government civilian, a GS employee. And I contracted my last year of, of working for the military. So I understand like kind of all of those different facets and how they feed into the VOD. And yeah, so for me, it was really about like, what am I here to do with both this given time and ultimately with my overall life purpose? And so that's kind of how I transitioned out.

Speaker 1:  10:50 
Wow, what an amazing background. Now in with what you were specializing in, what were you doing in Afghanistan, like when you deployed, what was what was like your your days like?

Speaker 1:  12:29 
Wow, that's
interesting. And what how did you feel like when he went over there, what was that? What was the feeling or the culture of being over there, connected to the army being an actual soldier, or and then going over as a civilian kind of what are those two different vibes? Like?

Speaker 2:  12:46 
No, I think, Well, for me, I never, I've always loved the army. And so I still love the army for me, like, I don't care if I'm in the Army or not in the army to me like that passion has not dissipated in any way. And then when I was deployed, I still wore a uniform, I still, you know, when it didn't say US Army on it, it said army civilian on it. And I still was happy to, to do, and to be whatever it was that they needed me to be to fill whatever role they needed me to feel. To me, it wasn't about it wasn't a difference to me, in terms of feeling in how my service was contributing to the mission. And I don't say that to take away from people who are in the military, because, like, I understand that sacrifice, and it's way above and beyond anything that I did as a civilian or as a contractor. But I also for me, personally, just, I've never lost the love for the Army or for doing military things for deployments. I love to travel I love different cultures and stuff like that. So I don't know to me it was it's all the same to me.

Speaker 1:  13:53 
I guess in my head. I'm like, Okay, one trip. You have access to weapons. The next trip? Oh, no,

Speaker 2:  13:59 
This is a civilian don't carry interest. I will carry it as a civilian. Yes. Nope. I still had literally every single thing well carry had I still had. Okay, so I take nine.

Speaker 1:  14:10 
That's great. Yeah. So that I didn't I didn't really understand that piece. I was thinking that when you went over civilian like that it kind of cut off those pieces of your military assignment. So that's really interesting. Yeah, thanks for sure. Yeah,

Speaker 2:  14:24 
it is. Yeah, it's different for each branch of the government. But if your God civilian, then you are you able to have access, you have to still do the things that soldiers do. So you have to qualify with a weapon in order to carry it downrange. You need to keep up to date with it. So you have to go to the range and shoot so often and things like that, but again, like I love the army, I love doing army stuff. I love shooting so I was happy about it. I didn't care about those tests. I was grateful for that. That's great. Yeah.

Speaker 1:  14:51
Now, Kay, so carrying through that. So when was it that you actually when was it the you actually met the Narcissus that puts you on this new path? Like, what were you done with the military then? or?

Speaker 2:  15:02
Yeah, you know, we actually met when I was in the army. And we, we really hadn't. We weren't very close at all, we were more of like acquaintances, but when I came home from Afghanistan, and I started a different role in the government, that's when he had actually contacted me and just said, like, Hey, I'm just reaching out to catch up and whatever. It's been a while. It's been several years since we've communicated. And I'm wondering what's going on with you. And, you know, just like normal stuff that you would assume is not is harmless, that it's totally fine. It's totally normal. And, you know, hindsight being 2020, as it is, there were a lot of red flags happening at that time. But there were other things that were going on in my life that I was willing to overlook those red flags for. So I had just gotten home from Afghanistan, I had just finished up my Ph.D. And I have had the career and everything that I have always wanted, like, I'm well established within what I'm doing. And for me, I just, I have a plan for my life again, like and I'm not willing to deviate from it. So yeah, so for me, it was really like, Okay, the next thing for me is to have kids like, this is the next thing that I'm doing in my life. I've done everything else that I've wanted to do. It's all set me up to be in this place. I'm in it. Like, I'm ready. And that's really like, the, my, my vision for what I wanted to have happen was so sick, like I wasn't able to see what was actually occurring. And actually, we So anyway, I did end up pregnant, and I was five weeks pregnant when he left and not available, not around or anything for the entire pregnancy. He knows that the babies Oh, yeah, yeah, no, for sure. You know. Yep. And, and so, you know, just all of that kind of stuff. And so I actually have twins. And when one of them when they were nine months old, one of them was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer, and enter back into the picture of the narcissist. And that's how all of the court stuff and things like that had started with, with my situation, and my twins, was due to my daughter's cancer. And so again, like, it's difficult for people to think that there would be somebody, first of all, like evil in general, but also like so evil that they would prey upon this kind of situation specifically, and that causes people to doubt the other person's story. So who's ever telling you like, Hey, this is what happened to me, it causes a lot of doubt, because people don't want to believe personal that there's evil people like that, that people would actually do that. And especially when you're talking about somebody who's the parent of the children, it's like, that couldn't possibly be, you know, but you'll, you'll see this a lot on the news, we'll find, you know, the mom, and the kids like shot to death. And then the neighbors are all outside testifying to the news people, like, we just can't believe he would do such a thing. He was such an amazing person, and super sweet. And he is such a family guy, and all of that. And it's because people don't understand what narcissism is. And they don't understand how it looks when you're out in public versus when you're at home. And so again, with, with my business with my ministry, and just kind of like, I hope, like as my, as a living person who has gone through this, my life testifies to the fact of like, education is super important, you need to know about this, because there's a lot of people who are suffering in the dark about it. And then second of all, there's a way out, you know, what you are living in is not going to be the end all be all forever, you have to be smart, you have to see it for what it is that trying to make it into what you want it to be, it's not going to be that you need to just address the fact that this is what it is, you know, and I'm going to handle it appropriately. And so yeah, I guess I guess that's kind of kind of my spiel on that. But I will I

Speaker 1:  19:18
 I was curious what point when you were starting to deal with this, then he resurfaces, and then you start going into all these this custody battle I can I can only imagine what you were dealing with a child with cancer, you know, and that's a part two is you have your blinders on completely because you have other things to take care of. So you're not picking up on all these micro pieces. And you were telling me earlier that he's he had been diagnosed with several things now. At what point did you realize what you were really dealing with?

Speaker 2:  19:45
It was, quite honestly, several months into the situation. So up until this point, I had dealt with him trying to deny my daughter blood transfusions. He would refuse to have her treated even after the house. hospital said that they were not able to treat her and that she would die if she wasn't transferred to another hospital immediately. I had dealt with him doing all of this stuff. And he had told me and he's like that will do. I'm sorry. Yeah, he had personal rights. Yes. And he had told me straight up, like, I will do whatever I need to do to hurt you up to and including hurting and killing these kids. And the court was like, she's making it up. She's a protective mother. That's the label that they can give you. You know, and they, because in court, he presents himself as like, I'm just trying to get to see my children and the mom doesn't work. And, you know, right. Yes. And so, you know, yeah. So not only was like that happening, but I've always been a single mom, I'm not sad about that, you know, and I have a job, which is somewhat important, you know, to go to, and he didn't work. He didn't do any of this stuff. And so I mean, it was just crazy. Because the amount of stress that you're under, I mean, so I've been to two war zones. And it's not, this was the most stressful time of my life. By far. I mean, exponentially. So

Speaker 1:  21:14 
Well, yeah. If you can equate it to being in a warzone, literally. And so you have you definitely have that perspective. And that's, that's a big eye opener. And now did once this whole thing happened after the nine months old now, did you guys come back in each other's lives? Did you give it a shot? Or was it always like, No, I'm not dealing with this?

Speaker 2:  21:33 
Absolutely, absolutely. Not. I mean, because his because I was able to Okay, so as I was able to see, first of all, like the fact that he was very much though intentionally harming my kids. my other daughter, the one that isn't sick, she would come home with bruises and bite marks on her strangulation marks around her neck and things like that. And I'm talking about a baby. And again, documented everything. And the court was like, Oh, the mom is doing it, because she wants to make the dad look bad. Like an attorney. Yeah, it's crazy.

Speaker 1:  22:06 
Oh, yeah, attorney has just fallen for it just like everybody else.

Speaker 2:  22:12 
And his attorney is, you know, I'm almost certain a narcissist, right? That's another thing is that people need to realize, like, you're gonna go for somebody who's like, okay, I'll settle this in such a way of like, we can negotiate whatever it is that they want. And their attorney is going to be thinking exactly like them. And so yeah, that's another whole dynamic that I teach people on. How to address. And so yeah, so when I when I realized like, this was happening, it was like, oh, now like, I will fight you to the death about what happens with these babies. You know, this is

Speaker 1:  22:46 
their mt one. Two babies like to I mean, I can't even imagine Yeah, mama bear mode you were in and, and that's probably how the court was being that's how the attorney was pitching it. That's how he was pitching it. Like she's just out of her mind, because she's protected. Oh, I cannot girl I oh, and what's sad is this story is not original. And that's what's so frustrating. And that's why you're doing what you're doing. And that's really amazing. And you talk, but I want to hear more about the part where you talk about how he had been clinically diagnosed. Like, what point was that where it was like you, me and the doctor know that you're struggling here.

Speaker 2:  23:20 
So actually, while this whole thing was going on, I had one of my best friends. She had called me up, and she's a licensed clinical social worker. And she was like, Angel, he's a narcissist. And I'm like, What is a narcissist? And like, until this point, I thought a narcissist was somebody who really liked themselves a lot, who will, you know, mirror the rod and climb in the mirror? Yeah, like, my, my, my understanding of what it was and how dangerous it was, was not anywhere near developed is where it should be. And so she just said to me, she said, I guarantee you he hasn't gone through his entire life without being diagnosed, you need to get a hold of because he was prior military. She said, you need to try to get a hold of his medical records. And that was kind of how that whole process started. At first, he was like, just trying to say like, oh, I've got 100% disability for PTSD. But like, there was so many questionable things about that, which he actually did have that diagnosis. But he wasn't in treatment hadn't been for years and years and years, never had seen a therapist wasn't taking the medications that he was supposed to be having. There was just too many things. And so we had actually filed to subpoena those records, which he fought and all of this and by the way, I just willingly turned over mine. I was like, well, there's nothing in mind. So you can just have them and because they were trying to say like, the mom is crazy, you know, she's making the baby sick and she's making all of this stuff happened. And so I was like, Listen, that's outrageous. First of all, because I have a government position with a clearance like they screen you for these things. There's no way I would be able to hold a job. Hold the position and hold a position with such high clearance, if that was true, and then so I just released mine, and he fought it for a long time. And actually, what's super interesting is that I want to keep her name confidential. But, but about a year later, I had a lady who reached out to me on social media, she had found me on social media as well. And she told me the story about how she was actually with a biological father of my twins, maybe 10 years prior, how he had kidnapped her, tortured her, raped her and held her hostage for a weekend. And all of this kind of stuff, which is actually why, because there was, he was discharged early from the military, which nobody could really figure out why his paperwork trail was just kind of like, you know, it was just very like blunt of like, contracts ended six months early, with no given explanation. And she actually said, that's the reason why this all happened with his military career. Yeah, so she ended up reaching out to me and being like, you know, I just want you to know, like, this is my story. Nobody really seemed to believe me. And you know, and she was upset that the army didn't do more at that time. But she, she says, like, I've moved as far away from him as I possibly can. Because just knowing that he's still out there and was able to get away with what he has done. In the meantime, I also discovered that he has another child with another woman who had a restraining order as she had a restraining order against him, and the baby wasn't allowed contact. And so again, this is all like, hard evidence, verified proof, court orders, stuff. And again, the court was just like, well, this is a different situation. And it's like, Okay, well, well, even. So that being true, let's look at what is happening here. And it was just extremely difficult. So I've had over five judges on the case. Because as I started to realize, like, this is not getting better, these judges are not seeing what is happening. I started getting super concerned. And so while I was never active on social media, I started becoming super active on social media and telling people my story, I started going and contacting every single new station that I

Speaker 1:  27:19 
knew, I wanted to know. Like, how does this crazy narcissist not come after you legally, physically? You know, and but the legal part of it, too. I mean, you started speaking out, and I would assume that he kind of flipped out about that, or how did that all go down?

Speaker 2:  27:32 
Yeah, for sure. So the first Facebook Live video, I mean, I was literally like, I don't care who I have to tell. I don't care what I have to do. I mean, I wrote to every single one of my senators, the Attorney General, you better believe I had them on the telephone. The governor of the state, every single thing that I could possibly do. I was releasing the court transcripts and actually what was happening? And, and yes, he did, he filed to have a gag order put on me, which was implemented by the second judge. and due to that she was recused. She filed to recuse her own self. She basically said, I'm making illegal judgments, I cannot make appropriate, you know, rulings on this case. And so she excused her own self from it. Wow. And you? Yeah. And so yeah, I mean, at that point, I was like, Good. Now we can get another judge. And we can do this again. And the third judge was even worse. And so it's, there's a bunch of different issues happening here. But it also highlights the insane amount of corruption and the way like the good old boys from work, if you will,

Speaker 1:  28:46 
okay, so Family Law court, or family court law is a whole other episode that we're going to need to have. And I think we're going to need to add my other podcast on up into flames and blow some stuff up. Because what I don't want to skip because everything that you're talking about here right now, from the judges, to the attorneys to the courtroom, to the system. I mean, yeah, I know what you're talking about. And we're gonna have more conversation and but I think like just the family court piece, and what people go through and where it's broken in so many places. I think we need to have an episode just about that. So that's gonna happen. I think that's great idea. Yeah. Yeah. So okay, so you go through he, so he was trying to put a gag order on you. And literally, I always I wanted to say, like, I don't know how these judges sleep at night, and like that one that you had, she couldn't. So she just excuse yourself from the case because she couldn't sleep at night with what she was doing. And so he tried that, and tried to come after you and so going through all that, then what happened?

Speaker 2:  29:41 
Well, so eventually, I you know, for a long time, and even up until maybe a year or a year and a half ago, I really thought about going back to my old job and going to, you know, again, just like okay, I'm never done like that nightmare. Ever Happened and just like move on with my life. And but I was having so many people, like just straight word of mouth being referred to me. Because I was like, Well, let me just take a beat and see what I want to do. So I was previously had been certified in as a life coach, I've previously gotten my certification through something that I was working on with the army. And I was like, my mom actually was like, Hey, aren't you a life coach? Like, why don't you try that? I was like, I'm not a life coach. And then I was like, wait, yeah, I did, I took that training. And I thought about that, too, because I have such an amazing background. So I just like was like, well, let's see what I can do. And so I started getting clients, just by word of mouth, I didn't have a website, I didn't have anything, I have an email address. And Facebook, I didn't have anything, it was just word of mouth, people coming to me. And there were so many people coming to me about specifically this situation, or dealing with a narcissist in some way, shape or form, whether it's in the court system, or even after post judgment, they're still having to, you know, co-parent or run a business or whatever the case may be, they've got some sort of tie there that they have to be in communication with them for, and how can they learn how to protect their stuff themselves while in that situation, and still get everything done that they need to have done in their lives, you know, and so, they're helping people like this. And I was, you know, I quickly thought, like, Okay, this is going to be something that I'm going to do, like, I'm really going to do it. So I, you know, had never taken a business class and I went to the tech school, I enrolled in the class that taught me how to write a business plan and do business things. And so I got everything copyright and trademark and set everything up legally. And, yeah, I don't know, it was just kind of like, the realization for me was, I can't just pretend that three years of my life weren't hell. And I mean that in, like, every sense of what I can imagine, Hell is like, even even as I said exponentially more than being in any type of Warzone, or any kind of combat situation, this was absolute hell to live through. And so I just decided, like, you know, it's too valuable to be wasted. I'm going to continue to tell my story. And, you know, since I became like, legitimate, or whatever you want to say, since I actually established and I've been running, running my ministry running my business, they haven't said he hasn't come after me at all. He does try. He had tried to be like posting negative reviews on my websites, on my, you know, Facebook pages and things like that. So cyber stalking is like a real thing. I have a whole, you know, teaching on that. But so it was about intimidation to try to get me to stop doing it. But he's unwilling to just come out to the, to the courts or anybody else and be like, she's talking about narcissism, and I don't like it because I'm a narcissist. Right? And so he's not willing to do that.

Speaker 1:  33:16 
And they just don't and they're places to fight you harder and make you crazier.

Speaker 2:  33:20 
Yeah. And I just won't take that bait anymore. It's like nope, my the truth has been exposed in this situation to the point where, you know, you can't Gaslight me into believing something else. You can't silence my voice. You've already tried that. You can't intimidate me. I'm not backing down. This is my truth. I'm sharing it and I'm helping other people step into that place where they can also share their truth live their life, and not feel ashamed or secluded, isolated because of what they've gone through.

Speaker 1:  33:51 
That's so awesome. And now tell me all those people out there listening right now they're like, Oh, my gosh, am I Is this what I'm dealing with? Like? What are? What are some just initial signs that someone can be thinking about right now to kind of a mental checklist to know if this is what they're dealing with?

Speaker 2:  34:07 
Yeah, I have a full and complete like, several series of teachings. So I'm just going to give a quick summary right now if you go to my YouTube, you can find those teaching videos but so for example, like they, first of all, believe everything revolves around them. So you'll just notice that wherever you happen to go, things tend to revolve around whatever it is that they're doing. And now again, there's multiple types of narcissists. But in my case, this was exactly what was happening. He would find a way to make himself the center of attention in every single situation, it didn't matter where it was, and how we got there. It was just about him. Second of all, you'll find a lot of this tactic of gaslighting, so basically saying like that never happened. I never said that. You never experienced that. You're crazy. You're making it up. You're insecure. You're a liar. You're bipolar, you're whatever mentally unstable, you need help all of that kind of stuff, you're going to notice that and again, journaling, your experience is going to help you not only stay sane and be true to who you are and true to what you are actually experiencing, because even in my own situation, I was like, Well, everybody seems to not believe me, like, am I? Am I making it up? Like, did

Speaker 1:  35:24 
somebody like under oath in a courtroom? start throwing out accusations that are just in your life? Yeah, yeah, it makes you feel crazy.

Speaker 2: 35:31
under oath. So many times, I have so many documents about what he was saying. And even if you go back and read the transcripts, the analysis of how the conversation was going, I mean, it just doesn't make any sense. And even that part would be concerning for me. If I was the judge, of like this, I cannot form a coherent thought, you know, she's this, she's this she's this use this. And it like five different things under oath, stating, at one point, he said that he had literal scans of my brain under oath. He said, he had scans in my brain, that proves that my brain was unhealthy. And we sure did try to subpoena those. And again, like they never I was, like, produced them. You know, you have scans in my brain, like, first of all, I'm super interested in seeing the scans my own self. Second of all, like, it just the whole thing is like,

Speaker 1:  36:21
The judges and the attorneys, and everybody is just like, Oh, my God, we don't have time for this, whatever, just move on, because they don't, they don't have time for a courtroom, Bs. It's crazy. So they just get away with it. It just they just kind of fluff over it to get to the next hearing. Yeah, meanwhile, it's making you lose your mind. That's just crazy.

Speaker 2:  36:40
And like, another thing that he would do is always be like, he was send me all of these messages. So we had to communicate through this app called talking parents, which is, you know, something that people use or maybe use Oh, SW. But basically, the court can monitor exactly what's being said, when it's being said, who looks at it, when they looked at it, and they can watch it in real time. And he would accuse me of like, I know you were an accident, you were in a car accident, you had the babies with you, I know that this happened, and bla bla bla bla bla, they just go on and on about that for days. complete lie never had happened

Speaker 1:  37:13 
To appear a certain way in this app. Right?

Speaker 2:  37:17 
Exactly. But then the crazy thing is the next day like after he has stopped doing that to me for like a day. The next day, he's like, I was in a car accident, my car is totaled. And like, this is the kind of thing where it's like, what the heck it was. It was that kind of stuff where again, I'm bringing it before the judge. I'm like, look at this erratic behavior, all of these types of accusations like literally the thing that he is accusing me of doing, which he has zero evidence for, is the exact thing he's doing. And it's, it's frustrating when they're not held accountable for that. And

Speaker 1:  37:55
not to deviate too far from this whole, like, how do you figure out if you're dealing with one but I think like the fourth the family court system, they're dealing with so much nastiness, like if you ever sit if you ever go sit in the courtroom and watch the cases before after you like in walks this super dry, you got to get out right or, or Here comes somebody and they have reports of them literally beating their child to death. And you know, so the judges are sitting there watching all this. And then somebody like Jeremy walks in, and we're like, we're dealing with a narcissist, and he's crazy. And you say, you know, you're you're trying to show them all these subtle signs that are just so wrong. But the judges are seeing just mayhem all the time. So they just brush you aside like they don't they have no idea what you're dealing with. And they don't know what to do about. Yeah, is they can't point at it and go bruise, cut broken bone, you know, so they don't know what to do with it. Did you guys have to go through 730 evaluation? No. Wow, I'm shocked. Yeah, so 730 guys is like a psychological evaluation. They put families through Family Court. So it sounds like he kind of narrowed it all down for you. So

Speaker 2:  38:55
yeah, and one other thing that I just want to mention really quick to people who are wondering if they're dealing with a narcissist is, you'll notice if you start keeping track of stuff, so start keeping a journal of everything that you're going through, like with the date, what happened, who was there, all of that kind of stuff. You'll notice that narcissists operate on a cycle. And this has to do with the way that they receive energy and get supplied with energy. And so for example, every narcissist will have their own but it will be a cycle. So you'll notice for 30 days, for example, they're extremely nasty. They're accusing you of all this stuff, gaslighting, every sort of manipulation and abuse tactic in the book is being used, followed by I'm sorry, I really want to work with you. I'm trying to do my best at doing all of this. The love bombing stage is what it's called. You'll notice that happening for maybe like two weeks or whatever, then you'll notice them just kind of vanish, like the discard phase will come and they'll just be like whatever like they got no time for you. They're not going to pay attention to whatever is happening if you're in court or whatever they just checked out all together, followed by The, you know, devaluation phase again, where they are coming after you. They're doing all this stuff. So if you can nail down what your specific narcissist is doing, what their schedule is like that can help you point out with hard evidence like, Hey, this is the cycle. This is how he works. And this is what he's doing. And here's all of the evidence to prove that, you know,

Speaker 1:  40:24
so that is super interesting. Now, what if you're listening to this? And you're thinking to yourself, Oh, my gosh, maybe I'm the narcissist. What if it's me, you know, because I think there's everybody's in such denial. Now, what if you're starting to look at some of these tracks and go, gosh, maybe I need to improve? Like, tell me what do you tell someone that might think that?


Speaker 2:  40:48 
Yeah, I have a good movie on YouTube called, am I a jerk or a narcissist? And it kind of goes through, basically, like, why am I doing it. So it does have to do with motivation. At the end of the day, it's not just about what is occurring, because we probably all had bad days, where we call somebody a name, or we said something we didn't mean, or, you know, we came across in a certain manner that we never would normally do that, but we were under stress or whatever. So because we've done those things, that doesn't mean that we're either a narcissist with like, clinically diagnosed with NPD. Or that we have narcissistic tendencies either. So you got to be paying attention to the motivation behind what is happening. Second of all, knowing like the depth of what you are doing, so just because I called you a name, or I, you know, was mean to you at one point or another, as bad as that is, the depth of how I cut you with that word that I use, or that thing that I use is going to tell you like, whether I'm just not evolved as a person, whether or not self aware enough as a person to realize like, Hey, you can't behave that way with other people. And that's mean, and that's nasty. And we don't behave like that when we're trying to, you know, make a friendship or relationship work, versus somebody who's doing it to get literally energy from it, so that they can feel good about themselves. Because narcissists can't make their own energy. They, that's why they need everybody to stroke their ego to think good things about them to think that they're amazing and to kind of fight their battles for them. Because the narcissist ego cannot handle shame, it cannot handle being told that they're wrong, it cannot handle correction. And so that kind of stuff is the reason why they'll cut super deep on purpose, because the deepest that they can cut, the more energy they get beating themselves by doing that. Yeah. So I talked about that in the video, though, if people want to go check

Speaker 1:  42:49
it out on our show notes, I have all that stuff, I'm going to make sure that I've got links to your site, too, yeah, to whatever it is that you have to offer. And it sounds like you have a lot of really great free material for folks. And then options for them to work further with you if they want to. So that's really great. And I'm gonna make sure so you guys, it's gonna be in the show notes, all the linkster stuff, it sounds super critical that I find it. I don't think that there's very many people in this world that either they're not dealing with it or their friend or you know, a loved one, something like that, ya know, you talk about ministry. Tell me about that.

Speaker 2:  43:26
Yeah, so I, I wanted to be able to. So when you go through a relationship with a narcissist, there's a lot, there's a lot, if not every single area of your life that's impacted, right. So yes, this may be happening to you, let's say physically, emotionally, mentally. A lot of times, there's also financial abuse, there's also spiritual abuse happening. And I wanted to be able to kind of touch on all of those different dimensions of life, and be able to help people who even are not in a position maybe financially, to get the help that they want or that they need in this situation. So I wanted to be able to have the ability to do like grants and scholarships and things like that for some of my programs. But also, for me, the way that was like the light at the end of the tunnel, or the way out of all of this situation, was truly like digging so deep into my own face and building that up and rebuilding my own identity up in who I truly am. That has allowed me to kind of build everything else underneath that framework. And I want to give people that exact same roadmap that I use. And so I it was really important to me that the whole, the whole of whatever I do, I always wanted it to center around Jesus and just the redemption that is found through relationship with him. So that's kind of why I took me a while but I got my 501 c three finally to be able to offer that As well,

Speaker 1:  45:00
oh, congratulations, that sounds like a really beautiful facet. Because what's really hard is, you know, you want to help people as much as you can, and you're fighting so hard to help as many as you can. And it sounds like you found a lot of really great avenues to make that happen. So I really appreciate you Angel. Yeah, I'm so it, it lights me up to hear people take a, you know, a difficult piece of their life and want to help others with it. And we have no idea how many people out there are having such tragedies in their life, and you never know about it, they're hidden, they're quiet, they're silent. And then nobody gets to learn from them. I mean, there's no shame in it at all. But if there's something you can help someone learn from, you know, don't be afraid to share that.

Speaker 2:  45:40 
That's exactly right. And I know, for real, how it is to be like struggling on that side of it, where it's like, I don't want to share with people about my story or about my situation, I don't know how they're going to react or how I'm going to be received after they know the truth about me, or about what I've gone through or whatever it may be. And that is literally the place where you need to do the opposite of that, whenever you feel that kind of fear coming up, that's just trying to lie to you to not get you to step into the fullness of who you were created to be what you're here to do. And a lot of what I do with life coaching is about that, it's understanding like, those lies are actually like showing you the path to go on, if you can identify them as and react to them in a different way than just saying okay and capitulating to whatever that fear is telling you to do, but you're actually willing to stand up to it and to do the exact thing it tells you to not do, you're going to find that you're going to come to a very wide open place in your life where you're able to build whatever it is that you want to build on, off of something that was meant to destroy you. You know, and that's the beauty of life. We all get that opportunity.

Speaker 1:  46:51 
Absolutely. And now, let's talk about really quick and then I'll let you go. But I want to know about the two little motivators that have even brought you to this point. Tell me about the twins, how are they doing? What are they up to?

Speaker 2:  47:05 
Now they're four years old, and my daughter is still dealing with health issues. But and we're still even now in court. But I mean, we're, I think that we're just so much closer to getting the freedom that I know, in the end we're going to have and not only for them and their children, but I know that the other kids that are lifetime that are being put through this situation does that their story is going to you know, free all of those kids, every parent that needs help getting free from this situation is going to be able to look back eventually on my twin story, and use it as their lifeline to pull them out of what they're going through.

Speaker 1:  47:50 
Wow. Yeah, that's beautiful. And I'm so glad that his two girls two boys, boy and girl Oh, you said a daughter. So they two daughters are two. Two girls. Oh, girl. Gosh, that's so great. identical. Oh, that's right. That's right. That is so great. Now. I would love to talk. I mean, I'm so curious. I have so many questions about it. Just the journey went on through the cancer piece. And I hope to talk to you some more in the future. And I hope that she does well. And does it sound like there's a good prognosis or things moving forward? Well for her,

Speaker 2:  48:24 
yeah, you know, I refuse to come into agreement with any type of diagnosis that spoken out over her and while the there's cancer back, you know, in her brain Now, I know that that is just another thing that she's meant to overcome here. So she is amazing. And she is a fighter for sure. Ceiling has been even since before she was born. So So yeah, I don't really speak that out over her even though like yes, and the naturalist progressing in her body, I don't just I just don't come into agreement with it.

Speaker 1:  49:01 
Well, great. All of us in the her brotherhood community, we're gonna be praying for you and for her and to have good things. And with that, if you could just indes with letting it reminding us what your website is. And then I'll have all this stuff in the show notes. And then any other final thoughts that you have.

Speaker 2:  49:17 
Okay, great. Yeah, my website is ashes to beauty ministries, that org and you can find pretty much everything about me there. Links to all my social media and everything else that I have available is on that website. And yeah, I would just really appreciate it if you want to share my link so people have it you can join my mailing list. I send this stuff usually about twice a week and to kind of help support your journey and I have a private Facebook group as well that people can join if they're interested in just kind of getting some extra support other people you know, listening ears or whatever it just need to know that you're not alone. I know that isolation is like a huge thing when you're going through this because you know You eventually just get burnt out about telling people you're like, I'm not going to share anymore, because there's no one out there who understands. But I hope that by hearing this, you come to the truth of it, which is that there are people who understand and that there is hope for your case and for your situation. And there's communities available to kind of come along side of you and support you and be there for you as you go through a super difficult part of your life.

Speaker 1: 50:24 
Well, I even me, I had no idea that this was a piece of your story today. So just so you know, you have even, you know, enlighten me on some things and supported me just in this conversation. So, right there. Thank you. That's just one more person that you have. You have helped and I really appreciate you, Angel. And with that, I will let you go. And thanks so much. Abby had thanks so much. It was my pleasure. It was my pleasure. And I know that lots of people out there you guys let her know, let me know what you think of this episode. And, and with that, you have a really great day. Thanks so much. You too. All righty. Bye, bye. And that is our show for today. Thank you so much for being here with us on her brotherhood. I can't tell you how much I appreciate you. And please go check out the show notes, see all of angel storms resources. She is quite a dynamic doctor and she has got a lot of great information there for a variety of people dealing with things so you guys be sure and go check that out. Also in the show notes, we need your support. So if you care about what we're doing here, come be a patron. Go buy a shirt, whatever it is, however you want to show your support. There's links to all that in the show notes as well. And with that it has been an honor to spend this time with you. You guys go forth, lead with buyer. Have a great day.